"He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed."
from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)
"how does pizza sound for dinner?"
"can you call to order it?"
oh my god
The pizza tango is neverending