"He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed."

from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)

bahahahaha

everytime i have to go any event any where

(Source: fyspringfield.com, via fyspringfield)

it should be noted this is proudly displayed at my local pub so life ain’t all that bad

it should be noted this is proudly displayed at my local pub so life ain’t all that bad

sweatnap:

ursulatheseabitchh:

redtemplo:

I AM CRYINNNNNNNNNNNNNNG

L

O

L

Every Friday night….

FINE THEN WE’RE GETTING TACOS

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via sweet-nip)

In the most delightful, trashy, blessed part of Florida for work so my Friday night is going preeeettty well

In the most delightful, trashy, blessed part of Florida for work so my Friday night is going preeeettty well

nataliemeansnice:

andrewlx:

"how does pizza sound for dinner?"image

"can you call to order it?" image

oh my god

The pizza tango is neverending

(via klingonrealitytelevision)

I HATE TED TALKS SO MUCH

i love these sad fuckers so i hope they stop fighting and tour again

(Source: rediba, via karlieanathema)

Lesbian 101, thanks crazy eyes!!

(via autostraddle)

Brisket nachos and beer for the greatest Saturday

Brisket nachos and beer for the greatest Saturday

Tags: roseanne

my life as a soggy pound puppy

my life as a soggy pound puppy

My plans for the summer include watching the simpsons and having elaborate fantasies

My plans for the summer include watching the simpsons and having elaborate fantasies

(via fyspringfield)

Parks, Squares and Alleys // Youth

(via phonografia)